BLOG – DAY 190
Does everyone out there agree with me that the older we get, the faster time seems to go? I have recently been trying to understand this phenomenon as the years seem to be accelerating at an alarming rate. My oldest is now driving, my princess has bigger boobs than me and my youngest … well he is the exception, as he still poos his pants.
30 was the end of my youth and 40 was my entry point to middle age (not to be confused with Middle Earth). And there it is looming like the hotly anticipated Eastern Suburbs housing bubble – the big 50! Wow, how exciting – soon I will be eligible for a discount on my insurance!
What happened to the parallel adage that, “time flies when you are having fun?” I am living proof that as we age, time flies whether we are having fun or not.
So what’s going on?
“Great Scott” I decided to do further investigation and consult the greatest expert in time travel … “Doc” Brown. “Doc” reminds us several times during the greatest Michael J Fox movie “Back to the Future” that time is constant, it’s the speed that’s not. In other words, it’s all in your head – you can actually control your perception of time and move into the future faster. That’s why when we are bored or when there are few distractions time passes really s l o w l y – just like when I am exercising!
This concept was absolutely proven last week in McSweaty’s Hour of Power Friday 10am class. 10 x 60 second squat holds with only a short rest in between started off as excruciating … time was passing so s l o w l y, our glutes were on fire and the whinging had begun. McSweaty was getting hammered by flying insults, but like the true champion trainer that he is under immense pressure he performed and came up with the most hilarious mind diversion technique. He cheekily introduced us to Alejandro the hot Spanish waiter, who proceeded to serve us all chilli lime Mojitos. McSweaty talked us through a steamy description of Alejandro, followed by a detailed list of the cocktail menu. Miraculously, every time we had to get down and hold our squat Alejandro would appear and entertain us for 60 seconds. I have never been so happy to get down really low and hold a squat!
Apparently research has shown that our minds are wandering 46.9% of the time (Adonis is the exception to the norm, his mind is wandering 93.4% of the time). If that is correct, then I think that during Empower classes we should be focused on distracting ourselves from the torturous sweat the trainers are putting us through. As an added bonus, we then don’t have to listen to the Old Fart’s rambling sermons. I have compiled a list of things to distract your mind with when next you join us for Run Squad or Blast in order to make the class seem like it’s really short….
Pretend your surname is Mann – then name all the kids you would have: Spider, Bat, Iron etc
Work out what is worse – a cold toilet seat or a warm one?
Ponder why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hotdogs and if they did what would they be called?
Work out what name your pet has given you
If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he actually born on?
Who decided to call the little candy bars “fun sizes?” Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a big one?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs when rabbits don’t lay eggs.
Work out if a very short person like Adonis can “talk down” to a much taller person like McSweaty?